Tigers and Giraffes are irresistibly attracted to each other.

            THE UNHAPPY TIGER left her special place in the Jungle to search across the plains for the Helper just like the Happy Tiger had directed her to do.  She knew where to look for the Helper, but had no idea who she was looking for.  After a long walk, she came across a tall stand of trees where she heard some movement.  The Tiger looked up, stretching her head back as far as it could go.  An Elephant was having lunch at the top, snapping thick branches with her trunk like they were tiny twigs.

The Tiger spoke loudly.  "I understand from a friend that I can find the Helper around here."

The Elephant stopped what she was doing and sat down on the ground underneath the trees.

"I hate to disturb your lunch, but I'm searching desperately for someone.  A friend told me where to find this special Helper to talk to about my marriage, but I don't know who I'm looking for.  Do you happen to know this animal?"

"If you mean someone who helps Tigers, that would be . . . yours truly."

The Tiger was astonished.  "But you're an Elephant."

"What was your first clue?" uttered the Elephant. "My trunk or the sexy body."

Not a smile or even a smirk from the Tiger, so the Big One continued, "Yes...I guess I've gotten a reputation around the Jungle for being helpful.  Perhaps because I'm known to be gentle and sensitive, certainly more so than a lot of the Animals around here, if you know what I mean. Now mind you, I can be very firm if I have to.  You can see from my size that I don't have to take any nonsense from anybody.  But if I'm wrong, I'm willing to admit it; and I always take responsibility for my own bad habits."

The Tiger was still stunned by the Elephant, but intrigued by her openness.  She realized how little she knew about Elephants because they were left to themselves around the jungle.

"Can you help me with my problem?" asked the Tiger.

"Well perhaps...but first let me introduce myself.  I'm Ellie!  And you are?"

The Tiger sighed deeply, "I'm Theresa."

"Great to meet you.  Why did you want to talk to me?"

"Well, it's my partner, basically the most reserved, unemotional animal I've ever known.  My mate hates conflict, not to mention a good, old‑fashioned fight, which, of course, is my specialty.  I can't get anything out of this animal, and it's really driving me crazy."

The Elephant hesitated for a moment then looked the Tiger straight in the eyes and said, "You're married to a Giraffe, aren't you?"

The Tiger buckled slightly at the knees. "How did you know that?"

"Tigers always marry Giraffes," replied the Elephant.  "It seems to be the natural order of things around here.  An aggressive, expressive animal that is desperate for love always ends up with an emotionless partner who seems, on the outside at least, to be indifferent.  I can't tell you how many Tigers have come to me for help, always alone, always complaining bitterly about their spouses.  I guess I've become the resident expert on the old Tiger and Giraffe Behavior Pattern."

"You've got to be kidding me," roared Theresa.  "A behavior pattern named after Tigers and Giraffes.  What's that all about?”

"Animals like you who are expressive and needy are irresistibly attracted to the repressive, independent types who withhold their love.  You Tigers are always open and vulnerable, stating your position on love right up front: 'Love Me... I Need You!'  The closed-mouthed Giraffe is attracted to this vulnerability and invites love in.  But when you get too close for comfort he erects a protective wall.  The giraffe's emphatic message is: 'Love Me... I Dare You!'  You react to the challenge and instinctively come out fighting.  But this is a trap, an unconscious maneuver that allows the Giraffe to pull away, setting the stage for the insidious 'Tiger and Giraffe Behavior Pattern'.  And there is another very important dimension to this dance--" the Helper said.

"Well tell me old great helper Elephant," Theresa interrupted in an impatient tone.  "What is the most important thing?"

Ellie smiled.  "That's one habit right there--your impatience!  I've always said that you never know someone until you see them under stress.  Tigers, like you, react to the pressures of a relationship by attacking.  You are defenders.  When the going gets rough and you feel tense or deprived, unloved or taken advantage of, in conflict or just plain tired, you come out fighting.  Giraffes, on the other hand, run for cover.  They are notorious for standing tall and distancing themselves, and as you know, they are perfectly built for it.  They are escape artists.  That, my friend, is the Tiger and Giraffe Behavior Pattern: You fight and your mate flees; and that's the end of communication, sharing, conflict resolution, affection, sex, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera."

The Tiger contemplated what the Elephant was saying.  It made a lot of sense to her, and she began to understand why the Happy Tiger was so impressed with this Helper.

"That sounds exactly like us. Please tell me more, much more. How in the heck did this happen?"
 

 Relationship stress - nature's way of prodding you to confront your "self"

             THE WATER HOLE around the bend was as placid as a sleeping child.  Birds chattered quietly in the trees, Hippos slumbered on the banks.

Unexpectedly, Theresa arrived, shattering the quiet with her roar.

"Ridiculous!  Absurd!  Buffoonery!  I can't believe I'm here! . . . Oh yes!  Of course!  I'm to relax," she said in a mocking tone.

The birds scattered and the Hippos lumbered off unhappily.

The Tiger stood at the banks of the water hole trembling with rage.  I just needed some time, she thought. Why couldn't she just give me what I wanted?  She stared at the reflection of herself in the water, seeing the tension in her muscles, feeling the rapid pounding of her heart.  There was anger and hurt and panic in her face.  She had seen this look and felt these feelings before.  They were ever-present in her relationship with the Giraffe.

Tired from her jaunt to the water hole, the Tiger lay on the grass.

"Relax!" she roared halfheartedly.  "The Elephant wants me to relax."

With her chest on the ground, she felt her rapid breathing.  She lay there for a while fighting with the rhythm of her body.  Slowly the Elephant's direction began to take hold, and she knew what to do instinctively.  Breathe deeply.  Slow the rhythm.  Blank the mind and let go of the body's tension.  Relax!  Relax!  Relax!

The Tiger's body grew heavy and she drifted to that place between sleep and wakefulness.  Thoughts wandered in and out freely, never staying too long to create distress.  The Elephant's voice began to dominate.

"Get in touch with your Fight-Flight Reflex.  What is it you're really protecting yourself from?"

The Giraffe came to mind.  The Giraffe doesn't give me what I want, she thought.  Why is that so scary?

A wave of fear swept through her as she focused on her body and mind.  In this state of relaxation, everything - thoughts, feelings, and actions - looked different than before.  The Tiger continued to focus, and the root of her fears began to emerge.

I'm afraid of pushing the Giraffe away, yet that's exactly what I'm doing. The more fearful I am, the more I push . . .and push.  I fear losing my love forever . . . I'm afraid I can't stop this compulsive, self-defeating reflex . . . I am afraid . . . of always losing control . . .of never trusting my "self". . . I am afraid . . . of me."